Do you want to sponsor this newsletter with over 370,000 subscribers, my podcast, or other content? Reach out to me directly and we can explore some options Jacob[at]thefutureorganization[dot]com.
Join over 45,000 other subscribers who get Great Leadership delivered directly to their inbox each week. You’ll get access to my best thinking and latest content. Sign up today.
If you’re a Chief Human Resources or Chief People Officer, then you can request to join a brand new community I put together called Future Of Work Leaders which focuses on the future of work and employee experience. Join leaders from Tractor Supply, Johnson & Johnson, Lego, Dow, Northrop Grumman and many others. We come together virtually each month and once a year in-person to tackle big themes that go beyond traditional HR.
Conflict isn’t the problem. Our inability or unwillingness to deal with it is. Today, the stakes are high and conversations are often under the microscope, and leaders are more cautious than ever about saying the wrong thing. As a result, avoidance has become the go-to strategy. But as Harvard’s Senior Fellow Bob Bordone explains, avoiding conflict doesn’t preserve relationships, it quietly erodes them over time.
If you’ve ever stayed silent to “keep the peace,” dodged a tough conversation with a team member, or let small frustrations build until they exploded, you know how draining avoidance can be.
In this episode of Future Ready Leadership, we’ll flip the script on conflict with insights from Bob Bordone, and explore how it can be a powerful tool for connection, trust, and team performance.
Listen to the episode here on Apple Podcast & leave a review!
Why We Get Conflict Wrong
Conflict often gets lumped into the “bad” category. We’ve been conditioned to think it’s a sign of dysfunction or trouble. But Bob reframes it as an opportunity for deeper understanding. He calls avoidance the “slow kill” of meaningful relationships. Small issues left unaddressed don’t fade; they fester, creating distance, mistrust, and lost opportunities for growth.
One of the most eye-opening parts of our conversation was his 5F model of conflict responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or fester. Every leader, and every team member, has a default mode. Recognizing yours (and those of the people around you) can completely change the way you approach disagreements.
Turning Conflict Into Connection
Facing conflict is not about charging into every disagreement with full force. According to Bob Bordone, it’s about learning when and how to engage, and when it’s better to let go. For example, practicing with low-stakes situations—like sending back a wrong meal order—can build you the confidence you need to handle bigger, high-stakes conversations later.
Another key idea is to “go meta” when dealing with avoidant people. Instead of confronting the immediate issue, you talk about the pattern of how conflicts are handled in your relationship. This creates space for honesty without putting the other person instantly on the defensive.
Listen to the episode here on Apple Podcast & leave a review!
Practical Strategies Leaders Can Use Now
Conflict resilience isn’t a box you check, it’s a skill you keep building. Here’s how to start:
- Identify your conflict profile. Understanding whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, fawn, or fester helps you respond intentionally instead of reactively.
- Distinguish between discomfort and harm. Healthy conflict will feel uncomfortable, but that’s different from situations that cause real harm or re-traumatization—knowing the difference helps you decide when to engage.
- Create a “conflict-resilient greenhouse.” This is Bordone’s alternative to the often-misused concept of psychological safety. It’s not about avoiding offense at all costs, but fostering a culture where people can disagree respectfully.
- Use permission language like “be raggedy.” Giving yourself and others permission to speak imperfectly encourages honest dialogue instead of guarded silence.
- Lead with grace, not censorship. Mistakes will happen in conversation; extending grace keeps learning and trust alive, while hyper-policing language shuts both down.
Why This Matters Now More Than Ever
Workplaces are becoming more diverse, more distributed, and more high-pressure. Leaders who master conflict resilience gain an edge—not just in resolving disagreements, but in building stronger teams, fostering innovation, and deepening trust.
As Bordone reminds us, waiting for the “perfect” moment to address tough issues is a losing strategy. The right time to practice is now, starting with small moments that build your skill and confidence.
If you’ve ever struggled with when to speak up, how to handle tense conversations, or how to create a culture where healthy debate thrives, this episode is for you.
Listen to the full conversation with Bob Bordone below and discover how to handle conflicts without losing your cool, your relationships, or your job.