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Check your operating system, it may not be your strategy that’s holding you back. What’s sabotaging you might just be your state of mind.
Behind every reactive email, missed target, or toxic team dynamic is a deeper issue most leaders never see: they’re leading from fear. Not the “I’m afraid of public speaking” kind. We’re talking about the silent, polished, executive-level fear—the kind that shows up in boardrooms, 1:1s, and performance reviews disguised as decisiveness, perfectionism, or helpfulness. And the worst part? It feels normal.
In this episode of the Future Ready Leadership Podcast, executive coach and co-author of The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, Diana Chapman, to unpack why most leaders are unknowingly leading from fear, how to recognize it, and what to do about it.
We talk about what it really means to take radical responsibility as a leader, and Diana also walks us through something called the Drama Triangle, which explains the roles of victim, villain, and hero that we all fall into, and how to break free from them.
You might be due for a leadership upgrade. Let’s look into the incredibly practical tools you can use right now to shift how you lead.
Listen to the episode here on Apple Podcast & leave a review!
Leading from Fear: The Quiet Saboteur in Your Leadership
There’s a huge distinction between leading from threat and leading from trust. Leading from fear means making decisions based on a threat response, subtle or obvious. When you’re leading from threat, you’re reactive. Defensive. Always trying to manage what people think, how things go, or how secure your position is.
According to Diana, reactivity is always rooted in fear. And that fear usually ties back to one of three things:
- Control – The belief that everything must go your way to feel safe.
- Approval – The need to be liked, respected, or validated.
- Security – The fear of losing status, job, or stability.
These are the unconscious scripts often running the show. And when leaders operate from these fears, it creates what Diana calls “drama drag”—that slow, sticky tension that kills innovation, lowers morale, and burns people out without anyone really knowing why.
So what’s the solution?
Not avoiding fear, but noticing it. Owning it. And then choosing to lead with trust instead.
Shifting From Ego-Driven Patterns to Radical Responsibility
Most leaders operate from the belief that they need external validation (approval), predictability (control), or safety (security) to perform. But Diana challenges that belief. She teaches that true leadership begins when you learn to become the source of your own approval, control, and safety, rather than chasing them from others.
This shift doesn’t happen by accident. It requires specific, repeatable practices.
- For instance, when Diana works with clients who feel triggered or reactive, she encourages them to pause and ask: What part of me feels threatened right now? That small reflection changes everything. It turns a knee-jerk reaction into a conscious response. Instead of managing from fear, you begin to lead from a grounded place of curiosity and trust.
- Another practical tool Diana shares: observe your environment like you’re watching a silent black-and-white film. That mental trick helps separate the facts from the stories your ego might be spinning, and allows you to choose your next move with intention rather than reactivity.
- One of the most powerful ideas in this episode is Diana’s approach to radical responsibility. It’s not about blaming yourself for everything. It’s about owning your role in the systems and outcomes you’re part of, even the uncomfortable ones.
Diana often asks her clients a provocative question: If you were teaching a class on how to recreate this exact situation (yes, even the one you hate), what would you teach?
That question flips the script. Instead of being a victim of circumstance, you become a creator. And creators have power.
Whether you’re burned out, stuck in team conflict, or frustrated with unmet goals, this mindset shift invites you to examine how you might be co-creating the very thing you say you don’t want, and what you can do to shift it.
It’s uncomfortable. It requires humility. But it’s also liberating.
Listen to the episode here on Apple Podcast & leave a review!
Getting Out of the Drama Triangle
Let’s talk drama…not the reality TV kind, but the kind playing out in your Slack messages and leadership meetings. Many leaders unknowingly spend their time rotating between three roles Diana calls the Drama Triangle:
- The victim: “This is happening to me.”
- The villain: “It’s your fault.”
- The hero: “Let me fix it for you.”
These roles feel familiar, and even noble at times. But they’re rooted in reactivity. The hero, for example, might feel useful in the moment, but often just enables the cycle. Real leadership requires stepping out of drama and into presence.
To get out of the triangle, you’ve got to stop reacting from fear and start responding from trust. That begins by asking a tough question:
“Am I trying to control the outcome, seek approval, or protect my sense of security?”
It’s all about resisting the urge to fix, blame, or withdraw, and instead choosing conscious action. It means building teams where people own their impact, speak with honesty, and lean into discomfort instead of avoiding it.
Leading with Trust Starts with Getting Uncomfortable
Perhaps one of the most counterintuitive insights Diana shares is this: comfort is the enemy of growth.
We’re addicted to comfort. And that addiction is making us less effective as leaders.
Greed, fear of feedback, the desire to always be right—all of it ties back to our addiction to ease. But leadership isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be honest. And honesty, especially with yourself, is rarely comfortable.
When you choose discomfort in service of growth, when you tell the truth, welcome your fears, and own your part, you stop operating from fear and start showing up with integrity.
Why This Episode Matters
We often think leadership is about getting others to change. But the most powerful transformation begins when we change, when we shift from reacting to choosing, from controlling to trusting, from blaming to owning.
You can’t lead others from fear and expect trust to follow. So, if you’re ready to stop playing the unconscious game of drama, ego, and fear—and start practicing radical responsibility, Diana Chapman offers a blueprint for that kind of leadership.
Listen to the episode here on Apple Podcast & leave a review!